Wait! Where's my camera?!

How many times have you heard kids say "No more pictures mom!" When I was growing up taking pictures was a requirement. All of my siblings can pull out our "picture ready" smile at the drop of a hat. And here's the best part: that smile is nearly identical in every picture.
It's a skill really and one that I am rather proud of. I can't speak for my siblings but I like that my mom took so many pictures of us. Although, sometimes I had to side with my brothers when it came to the sheer volume of flashes we were subjected to on family vacations. I do recall on several occasions my brother Jarom say "can't we just enjoy the moment?"
I don't know if he was seriously just wanting to savor a moment or if his cheeks just hurt from smiling so much but I've thought about this a lot recently. I take a TON of pictures of my girls. I'm talking probably too much and usually it's not when we're doing anything very fun. Olivia is getting pro at selfies with her dad and hopefully soon she'll just smile when she sees a camera come out but we're working on it. Sophia is just blissfully unaware and adorable. But that's how we all are at 2 months I think.
Tonight we spend Family Home Evening at the park. Olivia loves climbing and so I thought maybe she's ready for a proper jungle gym and not just our couches. Was I ever right! She loved that thing! The big kids didn't even scare her and proud mom moment, she likes chasing boys. The girl isn't even 18 months old yet but she already knows. Well, she is my daughter so I can't say I wasn't expecting this a little.
While we were at the park, John and I took turns running around with Olivia while the other held Sophia. There wasn't much time for pictures and I feel a twinge of guilt about that. I want our girls to know that we actually took them to have fun while they were little but at the same time I want to enjoy these moments with them. Olivia isn't going to remember these times and Sophia certainly isn't either but they are great memories of unplugging and having fun as a family for John and I. We left our cell phones and just fell in love with the moment.
I'm not parent-shaming those who were on their phones at the park while their kids were playing but I'm saying that it was nice to just relax and make a memory.

Ode to black shirt

"If a great outfit gets you one step closer to feeling good about yourself, then it's worth every penny."

Rachel Roy

This is a complicated blog post. I have the opinion that if a particular item of clothing, unflattering or not, makes you feel better about yourself then you should wear it. I mean, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and since it is impossible to please everyone at once then shouldn't the only beauty one should be concerned about the one you see? I'm not talking about looking at everyone and judging them with a pious outlook. I'm saying that if your eyes see your outfit/body and you think it looks good then that should be the only opinion that matters. 

I suffer from the constant need for affirmation and validation from those that I have given permission to have their opinions matter more than my own. I love these people and I agree that wanting to do perform well in the eyes of others is natural but I honestly don't feel confident enough in myself and my choices unless these other people also agree. I am on a constant quest for validation. I don't know why and I don't know how it started. I also don't know how to stop but I think the answer is in front of me and I just can't see it. 

Now, back to the title of this post: Ode to a black shirt. There is a company called DownEast Basics that sell these shirts. They are long sleeved, 95% cotton, 5% spandex, come in dark colors and I discovered them when I was 20 and a sophomore in college. I felt like I had finally found my style. I always liked black and I still do even if I don't wear it nearly as much as I used to. I loved these shirts. I felt beautiful, confident and like I blended in while still standing out. There is nothing special about these shirts. Honestly, it's just a long sleeved tighter fitting shirt that's long in the torso and the sleeves fit all the way down to cover my wrists. 

People probably thought that I shouldn't wear anything with spandex seeing as how I do not have the "right" body for it. Yeah, you could see my curves or as some would say rolls. But you know what? I didn't see them as much when I wore this shirt. I didn't constantly worry about people staring at my greatest insecurities. Instead, it was like all my focus went up to my face. I liked smiling and in my mind people were looking at all the good things that I had. You know, dimples in my cheeks, big brown eyes, a nice smile and a button nose. 

I stopped wearing this shirt just before my mission. I always thought about it but I never wore one. That is until this weekend. I was at the mall and John bought me my shirt. I'm not the same person as I was back as a sophomore in college and thankfully so. I'm a mom now. I have two beautiful daughters that I am trying my hardest to instill a natural confidence in them as best I can. I'm calmer and I have more of myself figured out. I'm happier believe it or not and I love where I am but after two kids so close together and a fairly serious addiction to foods that are not good for me, my body needs help. A little R & R wouldn't hurt that's for sure! So, after thinking about all the good I felt when I used to wear this shirt, I'm wearing it again. 

It might sound cheesy, but when I put on this shirt I felt an old confidence emerge. It was like saying hello to an old friend that I hadn't talked to in a while. The friend who always told me how good I looked and made me feel good to be me. 

I probably won't always wear this shirt but it makes me happy right now. Isn't that what's important? At a time when I have more curves/rolls than ever and am getting readjusted to life in a post-baby world I could use something that makes me forget all that and just see my positives. So, if you disagree with my wearing this shirt that's okay. On this one, small thing I don't need the validation I've needed on almost everything else. On this I'm okay with just having my approval.