Wait! Where's my camera?!

How many times have you heard kids say "No more pictures mom!" When I was growing up taking pictures was a requirement. All of my siblings can pull out our "picture ready" smile at the drop of a hat. And here's the best part: that smile is nearly identical in every picture.
It's a skill really and one that I am rather proud of. I can't speak for my siblings but I like that my mom took so many pictures of us. Although, sometimes I had to side with my brothers when it came to the sheer volume of flashes we were subjected to on family vacations. I do recall on several occasions my brother Jarom say "can't we just enjoy the moment?"
I don't know if he was seriously just wanting to savor a moment or if his cheeks just hurt from smiling so much but I've thought about this a lot recently. I take a TON of pictures of my girls. I'm talking probably too much and usually it's not when we're doing anything very fun. Olivia is getting pro at selfies with her dad and hopefully soon she'll just smile when she sees a camera come out but we're working on it. Sophia is just blissfully unaware and adorable. But that's how we all are at 2 months I think.
Tonight we spend Family Home Evening at the park. Olivia loves climbing and so I thought maybe she's ready for a proper jungle gym and not just our couches. Was I ever right! She loved that thing! The big kids didn't even scare her and proud mom moment, she likes chasing boys. The girl isn't even 18 months old yet but she already knows. Well, she is my daughter so I can't say I wasn't expecting this a little.
While we were at the park, John and I took turns running around with Olivia while the other held Sophia. There wasn't much time for pictures and I feel a twinge of guilt about that. I want our girls to know that we actually took them to have fun while they were little but at the same time I want to enjoy these moments with them. Olivia isn't going to remember these times and Sophia certainly isn't either but they are great memories of unplugging and having fun as a family for John and I. We left our cell phones and just fell in love with the moment.
I'm not parent-shaming those who were on their phones at the park while their kids were playing but I'm saying that it was nice to just relax and make a memory.

Ode to black shirt

"If a great outfit gets you one step closer to feeling good about yourself, then it's worth every penny."

Rachel Roy

This is a complicated blog post. I have the opinion that if a particular item of clothing, unflattering or not, makes you feel better about yourself then you should wear it. I mean, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and since it is impossible to please everyone at once then shouldn't the only beauty one should be concerned about the one you see? I'm not talking about looking at everyone and judging them with a pious outlook. I'm saying that if your eyes see your outfit/body and you think it looks good then that should be the only opinion that matters. 

I suffer from the constant need for affirmation and validation from those that I have given permission to have their opinions matter more than my own. I love these people and I agree that wanting to do perform well in the eyes of others is natural but I honestly don't feel confident enough in myself and my choices unless these other people also agree. I am on a constant quest for validation. I don't know why and I don't know how it started. I also don't know how to stop but I think the answer is in front of me and I just can't see it. 

Now, back to the title of this post: Ode to a black shirt. There is a company called DownEast Basics that sell these shirts. They are long sleeved, 95% cotton, 5% spandex, come in dark colors and I discovered them when I was 20 and a sophomore in college. I felt like I had finally found my style. I always liked black and I still do even if I don't wear it nearly as much as I used to. I loved these shirts. I felt beautiful, confident and like I blended in while still standing out. There is nothing special about these shirts. Honestly, it's just a long sleeved tighter fitting shirt that's long in the torso and the sleeves fit all the way down to cover my wrists. 

People probably thought that I shouldn't wear anything with spandex seeing as how I do not have the "right" body for it. Yeah, you could see my curves or as some would say rolls. But you know what? I didn't see them as much when I wore this shirt. I didn't constantly worry about people staring at my greatest insecurities. Instead, it was like all my focus went up to my face. I liked smiling and in my mind people were looking at all the good things that I had. You know, dimples in my cheeks, big brown eyes, a nice smile and a button nose. 

I stopped wearing this shirt just before my mission. I always thought about it but I never wore one. That is until this weekend. I was at the mall and John bought me my shirt. I'm not the same person as I was back as a sophomore in college and thankfully so. I'm a mom now. I have two beautiful daughters that I am trying my hardest to instill a natural confidence in them as best I can. I'm calmer and I have more of myself figured out. I'm happier believe it or not and I love where I am but after two kids so close together and a fairly serious addiction to foods that are not good for me, my body needs help. A little R & R wouldn't hurt that's for sure! So, after thinking about all the good I felt when I used to wear this shirt, I'm wearing it again. 

It might sound cheesy, but when I put on this shirt I felt an old confidence emerge. It was like saying hello to an old friend that I hadn't talked to in a while. The friend who always told me how good I looked and made me feel good to be me. 

I probably won't always wear this shirt but it makes me happy right now. Isn't that what's important? At a time when I have more curves/rolls than ever and am getting readjusted to life in a post-baby world I could use something that makes me forget all that and just see my positives. So, if you disagree with my wearing this shirt that's okay. On this one, small thing I don't need the validation I've needed on almost everything else. On this I'm okay with just having my approval. 

The Gallon Water Challenge

I read this article about drinking one gallon of water a day to lose weight and make your body more healthy. At first I thought this will be so easy! I mean, I work at home, I'm a stay at home mom, it's perfect, right?  Wrong. It's another one of those fads that simply is not right for everyone. I agree with the fact that drinking a lot of water is good for you. I think it's 8 cups a day is the recommended amount? Also, I do know that drinking water right when you wake up is great for getting your body moving both inside and out. However, drinking that much water for me ended up in a couple unfortunate circumstances. Now, no laughing, got it?

Number one: I drank the amount of water as evenly throughout the day as possible. I'm not perfect and so I had to drink a little more towards the evening. I didn't drink right before bed and in fact I relieved myself before bed. Unfortunately, my body just didn't like the change and I had one of those terrible dreams where you are peeing in the dream and it feels just a little too real? Yeah, I woke up in a puddle. Mortifying!

Number two: since having my daughter 6 months ago my ability to "hold it in" has drastically decreased. I can't. Literally. So, as a mom of a pretty busy and fantastic baby, getting to the bathroom right when I have to go doesn't always work and I didn't make it more than once. 

The moral of my story? Ease into something like those big challenges if you are to do them at all. I have taken it down to 1/2 a gallon everyday and I feel great with no "accidents".  My 4 year old self would be so proud. 

Enough with the "catch ups"

All right, I totally and completely admit to not updating this nearly as often as I need to or want to, but at the rate I'm going every post would be titled "Catching Up" and that is just sad. So, let me tell you about what happened today in the life of his full time mom:

• John got home from work this morning and was greeted by sleepy smiles by his girls, aka Olivia and I.
• Olivia threw up on me and was extra cuddly. She didn't cry or act sick afterwards so I'm guessing she just overate. 
• After perusing an article about the benefits of drinking water and as I work from home both as mommy and online, there really is no excuse for me not to load up on it and hopefully improve my skin and overall health.  So far I am 4 cups away from a full gallon and I've gone to the bathroom an insane amount of times.  
• Olivia ate, slept, ate, slept and smiled while we "snap'd" our favorite people.
• John was sweet enough to wake up at 3:00 and let me work.
• Olivia and I rocked dinner time and cooked together in the kitchen.
• After John and I ate Olivia was super hungry so she  snacked on a banana and then it was cuddle time with mommy and daddy while she ate so I was in a snuggle sandwich.
• I froze 6 meals worth of homemade chili, prepped tomorrow's salad and now I'm writing in this blog while my amazing husband and beautiful daughter sleep.

Now, this is a highlight reel of our day not a play by play but I've got to say it was all in all a fun time.  Olivia was gorgeous as always and I love that she is such a mommy's girl. Her gummy smile, bright blue eyes and sweet hugs are worth more to me than jewels. 

I'll try and check in tomorrow but no promises ;)

-K

Life is hard sometimes!

                  Dear Olivia,

                                                      Life is about hard times. And its about having joy, true joy. It took me along time to learn this lesson that life is suppose to be hard. I thought life should be easy and fun all the time. I bet most of us people think life should be easy and fun all the time. But it's not. Its about learning and growing up. It's about failures and successes. It's about happiness and sadness. Without the bad times we can never experience the good and wonderful times.

                                                     Yesterday when I was holding you and listening to my record player a scripture came to my mind. 2 Nephi 2:25, the main sentence from that verse that kept repeating in my mind and heart was, Adam fell that men might be, and men are, that they might have joy. That moment as I was holding you I felt so much joy from you. Early that day, I felt angry and stress about lots of different things. But the joy I felt for having you and your mom in my life was joy that will last forever. I have no clue where would I be without you and your mom in my life. I would not have the same joy that I felt in that moment with you listening to a record in your bed room. I would not have the same hard times with school stuff and job stuff. Life would be different without you and your mom. Life would always be missing something without you. I am glad I will never experience life without you. I need you. You help be a better person and a better father. I am so glad we have your mom in our lives. Without your mom I would not be the same person I am today.

                                                But life will be hard for you as you grow just have a good attitude and grow from the hard experiences. Make good choice to make life easier for you. You will experience joy and sadness. Be prepared for the sadness. Trials will come so you can become a stronger woman. Your mom and I love you so much. Be brave in this life. We need people to stand up for what we believe and make the correct choices in life. This world is becoming so bad but you are a daughter of God and you will be the bright light that can help people to come closer to Christ. You already helped me to come closer to Christ. 

          With Love, Your Dad
                                              

My special moment with Olivia

Olivia is growing far too fast for my taste. I love everything thing about her from her chubby little toes to her fine, ever-changing hair. She is my perfect give from Heaven. Every moment I spend with her is priceless. We wake up together, eat together, take naps together, dance together, watch tv (I know, terrible mom, but she likes it too) and more importantly talk together.
My sister Jaisha captured this moment for me tonight after Olivia had her bath and I was getting her all ready for bed. She is my little buddy, my confidant and really, my twin. I hope you can feel how much I care about my little princess from this short clip.

Dear Olivia: Breastfeeding

Dear Olivia,

Well, let me just tell you what little girl, you are the most determined and sometimes stubborn little thing I've ever met! Can't imagine where on Earth you got that from ;) ha ha! With parents like you have, you didn't stand a chance on three things: stubbornness, kindheartedness and most importantly of all: bootyliciousness. Now, I know that last one may not be an actual word, but baby girl you have a booty that is all sorts of ghetto fabulous!
Anyway, back to the title of this letter, breastfeeding. You and I have had our issues on this one. You didn't like breastfeeding at all for the first month of your life. You would scream and cry and then I would cry because I made you cry and you were just hungry and wanted things your way fast and easy. Then I would give up and pump to give you a bottle...basically a vicious circle. It makes travelling awful. But, lo and behold today you finally latched and performed beautifully! I am so proud! You are amazing and full of surprises. One thing I'm sure of, you can do anything you want as long as you get to take your time with it. Here are some pictures of this last week or so:

You are the daintiest sleeper! I love how you hold your hands. 

Today was rough. No shower for mom, you didn't take a nap all day but it was all worth it when you fell asleep on me and gave me a hug. I love you!

This was on your 1 month birthday and you were sitting on Aunt Jaisha! Your cousin Brittney gave you this outfit.