Mini Memoirs of a Sister Missionary

I am a member of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have been all my life and so was my mother before me. My grandmother on my mother's side was the first convert to the Lords church and was a strong influence in my life. 
That is my mini lineage. This restored gospel is not well known in many parts of the US or the World for that matter but it is a growing and thriving religion. Those who come into contact with it can feel it's influence for good.

I graduated High School and promptely started University in Southen Utah. I had never lived away from home before but had always dreamed of having my own place. As a girl, I used to try to make my room into a mini apartment, even going so far as to make plans to buy a mini fridge and get a lock on my door. I was a headstrong girl with so many grand and glorious plans for my future, almost too imaginative to actually come to reality. However, in the fall of 2005 I was finally on my way to becoming the woman I always wanted to be.

Sadly I was rudely awakened with bills, rent, school and other social obligations so much so that my wild fantasies became something of a dream. Growing up, I was obedient to a fault because of a guilty streak that was prominent in my young self. I hated the feeling of guilt that came so strongly that it was nearly suffocating if I did anything I saw as wrong. I wasn't rebellious because I was afraid of authority. My one rebellion was wearing black. That's it. So much for being someone who would make history. You know that old quote? "Well-behaved girls rarely make history"? Well, based on my behavior, I would be one of the on-lookers wishing she had as much guts as the other girl. 

Despite my guilty streak, I did have a desire to be good though and with the teaching of the Gospel I had followed so carefully in my later years of High Schol I felt better about me and started to see myself as something I could like. I hope this is conveying how I felt about myself at the time but honestly, it's so hard to write about because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin, I put on many layers of who I thought people wanted me to be. I took peices from the characters I saw in movies and tv shows in the hope that by assembling a version of Dr. Frankenstein's monster of who I saw as perfect, I would become perfect as well. The opposite really happened. I was lost in myself, not remembering which part was me and which part was the monster I had created. 

That brings me to the day I saw who I wanted to be and the real Kayla that needed to be formed. I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting as two speakers stood after the other to speak to the congregation. I don't remember a thing they said but I remember exactly how I felt about both. 

The first was a younger, plain but cute woman with tired eyes and hair, a baby blue dress of last years style who clearly hadn't give herself the same amount of "tlc" as her husband and children. She spoke mostly about experiences and herself with a little doctrine here and there in the form of a well known scripture verse. She did not serve a mission but has gotten married young and did not get her degree. I'm not saying that those who do any of those things will ultimately end up tired and out of style, but that is what happened to this woman.

Then her sister stood to speak. She had beautifully styled hair, a very fashionable red dress, impeccable makeup and a captivating way of speaking. She bore witness, read scriptures, described how they can relate to us as members and was such a happy, well put together and impressive individual. She had served a mission, graduated college, married later in life and had 2 little boys I believe. It was then and there that I made the decision to serve a mission.

I wanted to have what she had. I wanted more for myself than the Frankenstein monster or the settled-for-less life that I did see as desireable as one after another of my roommates married before the age of 19. I wanted what that second sister had. I wanted my daughters to want that and my sons to want to marry women like that. 

This woman inspired me and made me want to be better. I don't remember her name or what her talk was about but the Spirit spoke to me and made me see what it was that I wanted and needed. That is how incredible the Holy Ghost is and how much love our Heavenly Father has for us. 

So for those women out there who just got the news that they don't have to wait until they are 21 to serve their Savior and Redeemer as honorable missionaries, I would say do it. It is a challenging, humbling, incredible and most of all molding experience that you will cherish for the rest of your life. This experience will influence decisions you will make forever. If it's right for you, go.